ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
