this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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