Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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