Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
