Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
