So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
