You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
