I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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