CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
