after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
