There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
