I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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