so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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