apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
