my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
If its not for food we ain't going out.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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