I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
