Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
