Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
