There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
