i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
