I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
