those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
