So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
