this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
