This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
