Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
