Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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