____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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