I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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