just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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