Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
