I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Randomize
