how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
