I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
