We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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