I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I will die if light touches me.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
