The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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