You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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