so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Randomize
