I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
