what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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