I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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