Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
it glows. i had to have it.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
