wanna go halves on a baby?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
