You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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