sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
