I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
