I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
