so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
