it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
