did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You need a sexual gate keeper
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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