i think my tv is drunk
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
