Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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