I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
