So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
