respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
