All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
