Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Randomize
