Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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