I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
