shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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