you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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