I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
