The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
