Your mouth is God's brothel.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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