The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
