was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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