he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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