$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
How's work?
Spinning.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
