Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(519): View more from Ontario

Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.

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(616): View more from Michigan

Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?

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(315): View more from New York

Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.

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(937): View more from Ohio

A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.

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(214): View more from Texas

I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.

(336): View more from North Carolina

Did it work?

(918): View more from Oklahoma

Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first

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(203): View more from Connecticut

I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son

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(951): View more from California

Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?

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