Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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