dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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