Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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