I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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