Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I could fuck to npr.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
