i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
