In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
